If solely 2009 Abbey had recognized, when she discovered a candy child lady was in her future, that she wouldn’t be immune from the cautionary tales of ache and horror skilled globally by Lego dad and mom for the reason that Nineteen Fifties.
However 2009 Abbey was so caught up within the coloration pink and ruffled toddler attire and tiny hair bows and comfortable child dolls that such issues had been removed from her thoughts.
Even when Bookworm surpassed Choking Hazard Age (simply in time for The Architect to make her debut, resetting the clock), 2012 Abbey assumed, based mostly on her fuzzy reminiscences of childhood, that Legos had been for boys and she or he wouldn’t have to fret that sometime she, too, can be nursing Lego-inflicted wounds on the tender a part of the underside of her foot.
(Stating for the document that Nineteen Nineties Abbey was raised on Lincoln Logs, Tinker Toys, Duplos and even some Okay’Nex and totally helps women in STEM. Yay for constructing!)
Mockingly, 2012 was the 12 months the geniuses at Lego determined to launch a line aimed squarely at women, full with an expanded female coloration palette, relatable heroines and an animated tv sequence. That line of characters discovered its method into the Roy home someday round 2015, and 2021 Abbey has the lingering foot ache to show it.
What follows is an approximate timeline within the lifetime of a Lego father or mother, and my hope in posting it’s to alert Gen Z to the potential hazards (and joys!) of parenting Lego youngsters. Please don’t take this as a dissuasion of any variety — regardless of my accidents, Legos simply rank in my High 3 Favourite Child Toys of All Time as a result of they a) don’t make noise, b) encourage creativity, and c) are enjoyable even for a grown-up to place collectively. (Which is why you possibly can spend $550 on a Lego Colosseum. Don’t imagine me? Google it.)
In 2014, TIME journal positioned Legos within the #1 slot in its record of Most Influential Toys of All Time, quoting Tim Walsh, creator of Timeless Toys: Basic Toys and the Playmakers Who Created Them as saying: “I hear extra tales about individuals who have change into architects and engineers as a result of they’d a love for constructing with LEGOs” than I’ve heard folks say, ‘I turned a lawyer as a result of I had a lawyer Barbie.’”
That being stated, you might want to know what you’re getting your self into. So with out additional adieu, I provide you with: Phases of Lego Parenthood (First Child). Learn and be taught.
Infancy: “Aww, isn’t it so nice that now we have gigantic comfortable playthings and don’t have to fret about stepping on Legos on a regular basis? I’ve heard that’s a bear! Hun, she dropped this paci for the eightieth time, are you able to go rinse it off?”
Age 1: “All these gross motor expertise toys and nowhere to place them! However at the very least we don’t have to fret about choking hazards! Did you hear about Johnny’s son who obtained a Lego caught in his ear? Whew! Would not need that pressing care invoice!”
Age 2: “Man, I’m so uninterested in noise toys. If I’ve to take heed to ‘Child Shark’ yet one more time I’d really chew somebody’s head off. Hey! Let’s attempt Duplos!”
Age 3.99: “I’ve stepped on Duplos and it’s truthfully not a giant deal. How a lot worse may Legos probably be? Look! They make little units for four-year-olds!”
Age 4.0: “Awww, look how excited she is about placing it collectively! Isn’t she doing nice? What an incredible buy! Group Lego, right here we come!”
Age 4.01: “GAH! Are you able to see the underside of my foot? Is it bleeding? Can an individual get plantar fasciitis of their 20s? Let me — ow! — stroll — ow! — throughout the room — ow! — for a bandage — yeeowww!”
Ages 5-18: “The youngsters say they need [insert age-appropriate Lego set here] for Christmas/Birthday/Nationwide Youngsters Day/and many others. See this scar right here, on my heel? That’s from the glamping set. What about this one? Both Star Wars or the movie show, I can’t keep in mind. As soon as they put them collectively and play with them for 3 days, they simply sit on a shelf untouched till they slowly crumble and find yourself lurking within the carpet fibers. Is it actually well worth the cash?”
“Hey. Our child is 12 and asking for toys with out screens. Sure, it’s price it.”
Age 45: “Aww, look, Babe! I simply stepped on a Lego from Bookworm’s tree home set. Bear in mind when she was so excited to get it? They at all times had a lot enjoyable with Legos. Hey, did you see these grown-up units on sale at Goal? I believe there’s a Batman one! Wanna give it a attempt?”
Grandparenthood: “Hey, Bookworm! That little lady of yours seems like she doesn’t have sufficient toys in the home. Know what you want? Your previous Legos! Right here you go! Get pleasure from!”
Abbey Roy is a mother of three women who make day by day an journey. She writes to take care of her sanity. You’ll be able to in all probability attain her at [email protected], however responses are structured round bedtimes and weekends.